High of 57, Mostly Cloudy

Wow, what a week..

Another week atomic bombs. So much has happened this week. Pregnancies, separations, new employments... Its just a lot going on.

I'm feeling MUCH better. Strep throat is no joke.. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'm still waiting on my new job offer.. It seems like they really don't need me, since its taking so long to offer it to me. I cant say that its not getting harder and harder each day to stay in New York. I'm losing my fire. I'm so sick of working, just to pay bills, and not have ANYTHING left over... The Guest Coordinator position I'm up for would bring full-time, benefits, vacation time... and a much NEEDED pay raise. Which is why I cant understand why its taking so long to get it. I'm so behind on everything..

I went and sat in a church for 3 hours yesterday and prayed.. Not sure if it's going to do much. I pray at home and my situation is still the same.. So... ya know.. But I must say, the organ that was playing was beautiful.

I'm seriously considering subletting my room, and taking a break from here. It's just so expensive.. But if I took a break, I would lose my job, and when/if I came back, I would have to start over.. and I just cant look for yet another job.. I'm so burnout on job searches. So, maybe a friend will let me crash on their couch or something.. ugh.. why is this my life.

And here I am now, At Brooklyn Industries... Hanging on by a thread.. literally. I think its to the point where I don't even know if I have the energy to have a breakdown.. I had a nice conversation with one of my friends last night.. But I couldn't really talk. It's hard to give advice when your mind is so cloudy.

Humdrum..

The last 3 days of my life have been somewhat of a blur.

Tuesday morning, I woke up with the worst sore throat of my life.. I mean, just awful. But i still worked out (dedication :), came home, showered ate, rested and proceeded to work. I should have known something was wrong when I couldn't open my eyes or move while taking the train downtown. I got to work and all hell broke loose.

I thought that maybe i just needed a tea so I went to Starbucks before my shift started and got a venti green tea, walked back into work, and instantly felt nauseous and could barely stand up. So, my boss let me go down to the stock room and "unload shipment".

Did I mention I had really bad chills? Which can only mean I was running a high fever since my body temp was extremely hot.

Somehow, I made it through the shift, cant say I remember much about it, but I got home and immediately took my temp... 102.2.... waited a 10 minutes, took it again...102.8.. hmm was I dying? I mean really..

My roomie gave me some Tylenol PM in hopes that it would break the fever, so I layed on the couch, immobile, and waited for something to happen..

nothing happened. Took my temp again.. same results.. But I was too weak to go to the hospital so I just went to my bed and tried to sleep it off... Didn't work. I was up half the night, peeing, and wishing I could rip my throat out.

7:30am Wednesday- Got out of bed, took my temp... 102.8... Guess it was time to suck it up and go to the hospital. It took me half an hour just to put on clothes, my body was so weak. Finally I made it to the hospital. Barely able to speak, checked in, vitals checked.. and sat in a chair meant for an eye exam for two hours.. How uncomfortable.. Finally my nurse comes and tells me they need me to pee in a cup.. Something that could have been done the minute they put me in that f-ing room. So, I did.. and waited another half an hour for them to tell me I wasn't pregnant and finally move me to another section of the hospital where hopefully I would be seen faster... hmm, not really.

Finally a room was available and I could lay in an actual bed, well gurney. Half an hour later, a nurse came and checked my vitals and my temp was still 102.. you would think that as an ER, they would move a little faster for someone with a temp that high... ugh, hate hospitals..

So the doctor comes in and actually asks me, "What can I do for you today?"... I'm sorry, excuse me?? Isn't there a chart somewhere that has exactly what I need for you to do for me today, on it? I've told seven other people what I need today, and the doctor is the only one who doesn't know? How odd.. So again, I told her what was wrong, in the little voice that I did have.. she listened to my heart, lungs, checked my ears, and when she finally checked inside my mouth.. her words were, AND I QUOTE, "ooooo....ouch!".....

I'm sorry, did I miss something?

So she decides that its finally time for an I.V. filled with antibiotics, steroids, and fluids, so I can start filling better and we can get the swelling down in my throat.. As much as I hated her for taking so long, I was happy that finally something was being done. Oh, and I got the most painful shot of penicillin in my bum... bollocks.

After another two hours, my fever was finally down to at least 100.1, and they were ready to release me, it wasn't until then that they told me I had strep throat... Where the hell did I get strep throat? I tell you, in the last 5 years, I have never been sicker than how sick I've been since moving to this dirty city... The doc gave me a prescription for Tylenol with codeine and sent me on my way..

So, I've been home.. watching TV shows, catching up on the Oscar nominated movies, and drinking tea, sipping chicken noodle soup, and occasionally sucking on a Popsicle. All the while, my throat still killing me, and popping pills since I didn't get my Tylenol with codeine until today.

I lost out on more than twenty hours of work this week, and while it sounds bad, I think the consequences of going to work, would have been much worse.. Obviously I was super contagious and needed to be confined to one place, just me and my germs.

Last night, I broke.... It's hard to be in an apartment, couped up, just you and the animals, no one to talk to, but hell- I couldn't talk anyway. My only link to the outside world was facebook. And honestly, it was a tad bit boring on there as well. I got really good news last night, but I also got really bad news last night.. I caught up with a friend on ichat- much needed- and since I've been somewhat of a insomniac lately, in order to fall asleep I took a couple swigs of NyQuil around 2am, and was out by 2:15... But wide awake by 8......

Why must the universe toil with me..... constantly...

I decided today, out of exhaustion and possibly starvation, that this is all a test... Just to see how far I can go before I break.. I was at my breaking point last week, or at least I thought I was, when I layed in the bed with drew and nearly had a nervous breakdown.

My hours at work were cut, so I got a second job :/

I made some financial cuts, so I got rid of my iPhone :/ :/

The house in Ohio was foreclosed, so money has been extremely tight :/ :/ :/

Because I'm so poor, I've missed any and every audition worth going to for the season... ugh.

I mean, I really could go on for days.. but I wont.

I will say, in my defense, that I am still alive.. and as hard as it is to do, I am trying to take it a day at a time..

March seems like its going to be a better month for me. I foresee some great things happening. Just gotta make it these last three days in February.

Here goes nothing..

Another 6 month update...

Wow.. I find it hard to believe that the last blog I wrote was in July of last year. What a horrible time in my life.....

I'm happy to say that much has changed.. Whether its for the better, I'm not sure yet.

I started blogging for a natural hair care site. I love it, it gives me something to look forward to. I started working for Aveda, and I have to say, what a blessing that has been. Who knew I would finally stumble upon something that I actually look forward to going to, work that is...

There is a new love in my life.. And I must say that it is wonderful. Finally. Something thats real. This love makes all the other B.S. in my life seem trivial. For someone to be able to come in your life and give you so much fulfillment is just.... bliss.. I just dont take ANY of it for granted.

I was reading essence mag today, and there was an article on finding happiness.. It's so crazy how we allow such insignificant things to affect our happiness.. I decided to meditate for at least 15 minutes a day. I need it. or insanity is definitely on the horizon...

I also started working out. I'm going to actually attempt to wear a bathing suit this summer.. I plan to buy it in April.. so, hopefully, by April I will be comfortable enough to go into a fitting room and try one on.. beer goggles anyone?

~Stay Normal~.

You Never Know How Strong You Are, Until Being Strong Is The Only Choice You Have...

I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of leaving Ohio and moving to the City..

Needless to say, I'm still here.... I've resigned a lease.... I'm still employed... And, I'm still singing and working on my craft. . . .

The Universe has been very good to me :)

~La'

You were always on my mind..

I miss you so much, or maybe I just miss the idea of what we were. I stepped out of your life so that you could do your thing, live your life and move on. We were not meant to be and you know that. But I loved/love you so much. All I have to say is that this is my burden to carry, I loved you enough to let you go.

And you still haunt my life, my dreams, my heart...

Who knew that would be our last Hug..

Hair auditions tomorrow... I have to be up in 4 hours... haha yeah right..

I would love to be seeing the world right now.

Wishful thinking.

January, and its raining in the city..

Often times, I think my mood is greatly affected by the weather outside. I mean, for as long as I can remember, I've always spent the winter in silence, not really doing anything. And spring, summer and fall are so vibrant, and I'm always outside experiencing the world.

But New York is different. The air is different, the streets, the water. Everything is so different at home. But I love it here. There is a freedom, and an urgency for art here, so thick that it pulls you in and makes you want more of this thing we call Theatre. I wouldn't change this for anything.

Of course, other things have changed. I got a new job. So much better than where I was working. I've become a lot more settled with the city. It's taken a lot to get used to this. There is a completely different atmosphere than any place I've ever been to.

My new year's resolutions are coming along. Slowly, but surely. I finally got my library card, and I'm going to start checking out the MGM musical movies. I'm excited, I have SO much to watch! So many actors to learn about, I feel so behind! The other resolution has been so far so good. I could have been tempted today, but surprisingly it was cancelled.. hmm, thats strange.

Its very hard to hear the rain here. In Ohio, All I had to do was look out the window and I could hear the pitter patter of the rain against the sidewalk. And the faint but very distinguished sound of the rain falling from the sky. Background noise can be quite intense at times. I long to hear the rainfall if even for a moment.

Just a series of thoughts...

until