Making the list, but not checking for errors...

things I've learned while living in New York;

- you can not make a right turn on red... not ever.

- You can find a job, it may not be the one you want, but there is always one here.

- Your boss does not care about you, no matter what you think, you can and WILL be replaced without warning, without notice, and possibly without pay...

- no one says good morning, except maybe your doorman.. or your pet.

- What your view of New York is, whatever it may be, is probably right, but of course with regulations.

- Every neighborhood is completely different. I live on what I consider the edge of Washington height.. When I cross a certain street, everything changes. The people are no longer Hispanic and are now Jewish.. within seconds.

- Jay-Z is right, Half of us wont make it... I've already seen that happen.

- Only the strong survive here. Believe me, its very hard. For some, that is.

- The people that I thought I would be hanging out with, I haven't even seen yet... I've been here 5 months.. Which lead me to believe that making new friends is a must.. but very difficult.

- Your apartment must be your sanctuary. You MUST cherish it.. It is the only thing that separates you from the madness.

- If you want to be seen, you must put yourself out there. No one really gives you a handout here. Make your own way.

- The best way to learn this city, is to get lost in it.

- Sometimes your kindness and charm doesn't go unnoticed, but most of the time it does.. Still, one must not forget what those things are.

- There is just too much stuff here..

- Times square is absolutely insane... especially around the holidays.

-unfortunately, if you don't know someone with a truck, you must use the subways to move things...and that is not fun at all.

- You must take time to walk around.. even if there is no purpose behind it. Look at the buildings, the architecture, the parks, the trees (when there are any), the river... Its breathtaking.

- Amongst the rubbish, there are a few genuine people. You just have to have a trained eye to see who they are.

until.

The Re-vamp... Also known as a COMEBACK.. bam.

So... after two months of depression and self-loathing, I have decided to re-vamp my blog and change my WHOLE entire outlook on life- beginning with my own.. So, get ready for fashion, drama, theatre, reviews, MAKEUP!! and Any and every other topic I decide to discuss..

At this point, either you're on the bus, or you're off the bus...

Boomkack.

Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart...

Even if you were a million miles away

I could still feel you in my bed

Near me, touch me, feel me

And even in the bottom of the sea

I can still hear inside my head

Telling me, touch me, feel me

And all the time you were telling me lies

So tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

I'm gonna hold onto the times that we had

Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart

Well you can try sleeping in my bed

Lonely, only, nobody ever shut it down like you

You wore the crown, you make my body feel heaven-bound

Why don't you hold me, need me, I thought you told me

You'd never leave me

Looking in the sky I can see your face

And i knew right where I'd fit in

Take me, make me

You know that I'll always be in love with you

Right til the end

So tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

I'm gonna hold onto the times that we had

Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could have told you right from the start

It's bout fall apart

So rather than hold onto a broken dream

Or just hold onto love

And I could find a way to make it

Don't hold on too tight

I'll make it without you tonight

So tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

I'm gonna hold onto the times that we had

Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Blame it on the Alcohol! (yeah, whatev)

oh My... What a week! First and foremost, TGIF! Secondly, how my life has drastically changed in just one week..

As of Monday, I am single. Wow, I haven't said that in a really long time. And Why you might be asking yourself (or not lol)? Not by choice, but by infidelity. I did not ask for this behavior to occur, but honestly, I should have seen it coming. The phone calls were becoming less and less, there were more events filling her time with lots less time to talk to me, and somehow, I didn't talk to her for entire weekends... Now, how does that work? Also, her track record really isn't that great in the faithful department, so I really shouldn't be so upset.

But, I am.... I was very hurt, and I felt betrayed at first. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I felt like my heart had been stabbed by fifty different knives, and that I would never get through this. Well, that turned into anger because I'm a good person and I don't deserve to be cheated on, even if it was a mistake. I know how mean I can get when I feel betrayed, so I decided that it was best that we be friends because I wouldn't be able to just talk on the phone anymore, since that's really our only source of communication (well, was our only source). But Now, lol, now I'm cool. I still love Ace very much, but I have to live my life. And I cant allow these silly antics to cloud my vision and my purpose in life. Yeah, its OK to be sad for a night, but joy, and oh what joy, comes in the morning PEOPLE... I do want us to be together, and like she said, we will probably end up together. And I really wasn't feeling her when she said that. It seemed a bit cocky to me. But honestly, I do think she is my soul mate, and if we don't spend our lives together, I know we will still be great friends.

Rehearsal is fabulous. Brenda really let loose and sang today and was really getting into her role as queen and she is the ULTIMATE diva. I should be taking notes lol. We did a rough run through of the first act, and I think its going to be really good. I cant believe that I'm working with such great people on my first show in NY. I'm truly blessed and I don't take anything for granted, because it can be taken away in the blink of an eye...

It Doesnt Mean Anything..

Do you ever feel like your life has been somewhat of a dream, or nightmare, that you just cant wake up from? Or that sometimes you feel like a stranger to yourself, watching yourself spiral out of control, yet no one else can see it? Once again, as always, I'm in a weird place in life. I don't know which way is up, and which is down. I cant think about anything clearly, because I'm thinking about everything at one time.

While watching Bridget Jones's Diary last night, one line stuck out the most; "Why is it that when something is actually going right in your life, something else falls completely apart and leaves you in shambles?" I wish I knew the answer to that. I find myself constantly battling to keep everything going right. And it never does.

Why is this my life? Personally, I think that I'm a nice person. I do for others when I can, I make MANY sacrifices for the good or betterment of the situation, I'm faithful, I'm a loyal friend, I try to be a good family member, I keep a smile on my face, when really I'm hurting beyond belief. All in vain. Everything feels like its in vain.

Mama is still at Evergreen. I called my mom last night, and before I could even say how are you, she asked me for money... And her excuse for asking? Her birthday is next week and she wants to be able to do something... I don't even want to discuss my pathetic birthday.. Aunt Jacquie called me the other night, which is very surprising because I haven't talked to her in weeks. I'm wondering if Selina called her and gave her the news.. Its was a pretty unexpected call.

I think that at some point in my life, I will need to see a therapist. I seem to be losing any type of emotion, or passion that I have for the things that I love. This has been happening for a while though, but recent events have just made me really not want to do anything anymore. I just want to work, finish this show I'm in, and just work some more.. I don't really want to audition for anything, I don't want to sing for anyone. I just want to be. I haven't been able to eat recently. I just feel like I'm going to throw up. I think it might be due to stress. I just hope I don't get gray hairs lol, that's the last thing I need!

I hope that one day soon I can have a happy post :(

Life goes ON...

Hello Bloggers.... its been a while..

Updates:

~ Graduation happened.... Thank God. I was ready for school to just be done. A lot more people showed up then expected. But showing up doesnt mean it was a good day, there was still drama, and needless to say, I ended up staying another night and letting the fam take my stuff to Cincinnait.

~ Moved home for a couple of months.. It took forever to find a job and when I finally did, it was in a bakery.. If thats not a sign that my stay in Cinci should be short, than I dont know what is. I stayed with my sis, in Walnut Hills, and that was such a great time.. Minus the over dramatic girlfriend, and her very thirsty friend... ugh.. It was hard sleeping on a couch, and literally living out of my suitcase. I didnt realize how much stuff I still had until I saw all of it in the corner of the room, and when I packed it all up at the end of July to put in my aunts basement until further notice..

~I moved to New York.. Yep. Packed up my stuff (well, 2 suitcases worth), bought a plane ticket and left. I woke up at the beginning of July and decided that I was leaving the 31st. no exceptions.. And I did. And it has been quite an experience since I got here. Within the first week I got a job, but not just any normal 9 to 5. I was working as a delivery girl for a catering company. Umm, yeah, harder than I thought, but worth every moment. My boss was French and very hard to understand.. but somehow I managed. After 3 weeks, he fired me because I brought the wrong olives back from the grocery store. So, I was jobless for a couple days and freaking out a little. I walked like 5 miles last wednesday looking for a new job.. Coogans Pub told me to come in Thursday morning to start training.. I wanted a serving job, so I guess its kindof a blessing that he fired me, so I had the opportunity to look for other employment. Christophe (my boss) didnt really appreciate my hard work anyway.. it was time to move on. I also started training a japanese/vegetarian restaurant in my neighborhood so hopefully i start getting good hours there as well.

~I'm in a show!! it's called Plagued and its set in like medieval times and its basically about Cinderella's daughter Dusty and how Prince charming's mother wants Dusty to marry soon so the family line can continue.. of course she opposes!! I'm in the ensemble.. but its cool because its part of NYMF (New York Musical Theatre Festival) Which is a big deal here. I'm working with a lot of tony nominated/ broadway actors and I'm very excited and thankful that I was picked to be a part of it. We have our meet and greet/ first rehearsal on Friday.

~Generally, I'm ok. I've been stressing out a lot about ridiculous thing, most of which are out of my hands. But I think thats just how I am. I overanalyze and I tend to over think a lot of things as well. The bad part about that is, I tend to forget the more important things because I'm freaking out about the unimportant things. My birthday is Sunday, and I'm not very excited.. But I've never been excited about it, or really any holidays. Mainly, because if I get too excited, I'm usually let down. My roommates want to have a housewarming party for our bdays, since Denise's is 2 days away from mine, but they will both have furniture, and I wont, and I kinda want to be a litte more furnished before I invite people over.. I dont know, maybe it doesnt matter.. Mama is in the hospital with pneumonia. I hate it, I wish I could be there with her. But Rehab is going well and she will be home in no time.

A Catered Affair involving African Women.....

Roe Green.... I have a new respect for that name, and the person. This past weekend, the seniors had to sing our showcase for Roe Green at the Porthouse Theatre Preview Party..... But, not one of us is performing there this summer... so its kindof contradictory. Well anyway, Roe lives in a gated golf course community. The houses were GORGEOUS!! They looked exactly how you would picture a house in a gated community would look. The only downfall is they are all the same. Yeah, your neighbor might have a bigger house than you, but I'm sure the layout inside is similar. I was thinking that Roe would live in a huge house, but its really not as big as I thought. In the end, the size didnt matter. The content of her house was breathtaking. I walked in to various african art that she has had sent to her from different countries in Africa. She's been there six times, and she made it very clear to me that there was nothing more beautiful to her than an African Woman. (hmm) I would say that she has more than half a milliion dollars worth of just African Art. There was much, much more art from other places as well, But the woman LOVES Africa the most. Even though the night was stressful, I'm glad I got to talk with her and really get to know her, and form my own opinion about her, and not the Theatre and Dance dept.'s opinion. Personally, I think she is amazing, and I wish I would have gotten to know her better.

Now, the party... WHAT A MESS!!! I dont think I have been so scared to say the wrong thing, or drop a tray, or say the wrong thing... in all of my life. As a part of my showcase class, we had to "help" out with the party by bartending, valeting, and serving. I was a server, and let me tell you, WHAT AN EXPERIENCE!! All of the Porthouse patrons are very intimidating, and can be quite rude at times. It's not like I really wanted to be serving them anyway. We were there for the entertainment! I think that what made it so awkward was the fact that I would have to walk up to them and interrupt their conversations to ask if they wanted one of the mini Rubens from my tray. And it wouldnt have been so bad, if they werent so snobby about me asking. And I tried to be really nice and considerate. It amazes me that people can be so uppity. There were some nicer people though. So I tried to gravitate toward them most of the night!

stay tuned..